The other day I was scrolling down my timeline on Twitter or Facebook. I don't remember exactly which social network it was, but I noticed a lot of negative talk describing the opposite sex. Usually I would just keep scrolling and mind my business. However, this time it really had me thinking...
A few years ago that was definitely me. Experienced a bad relationship and thought I had "trust issues" when it came to the opposite sex. I was the girl retweeting all of those "never trust a man" type of tweets.
Where do these negative emotions come from? How do you get over them and find the proper healing to move forward with your life?
1. Work On Trusting Yourself
I say this because how many times do women actually go back to a man after he has dogged you out or has disrespected you? One of the issues with this is, after the relationship has finally failed, you no longer trust yourself enough to make the right dating choices. Hence, welcomes the "trust issues" amongst the opposite sex. It is easier to say "all men/women" are the same, then it is to admit to yourself that maybe your way of dating and/or type of people you date need to be rearranged.
2. Be Honest With Yourself
If you can't be honest with yourself, you will never be able to trust another human being. We all know the times we've expected the "bad boy" to be good for only us. Truth be told, we often times have a feeling of uncertainty from a person but due to emotional attachments, we ignore them. People do not change until they want change for themselves. No matter how big of a fit you throw, how many opportunities you give, or how much love you try to express, you CAN NOT change anyone.
3. Believe in God & What He Has For You
I have a very personal relationship with God and let me tell you... with him, I can get over any and everything. Accept that he has something great for you in store. Understand when he is telling you NO! He often times tells us when something isn't right. Don't ignore it, listen. Learn to value and become one with your intuition. Realize that your relationships with people are just pit stops to learn, experience, and grow. They are not your final destination in your life long journey. Sometimes you're shown the bad so that you know how to appreciate the good when it steps into your life. Even if you don't believe in any religion, simply believe that there is better for you in the world. Focus on the positive characteristics you want in a person more than you focus on the negative ones that you don't want.
4. Step Away From Social Media
When going through the healing process, don't post anything negative on social media. All it does it make things worse. For one, posting negative comments only attract the wrong people. To the good individuals left out there it is simply nothing but man/woman repellent. Negativity in general is a turn off. If a man is on Twitter tweeting how all "hoes ain't loyal", I definitely won't look his way. Get your thoughts and emotions in order privately.
Forgiveness is good for the soul. People usually misunderstand forgiveness. Forgiveness does not mean you need to contact your ex to have a 3 hour conversation about what happened to move forward. You don't have to tell them they are forgiven at all. After all, forgiveness is mainly for you, not the other person. I know, you can't forgive someone over night. You have to go through the proper emotions before getting to that level. However, it eventually is necessary to move on in a positive direction. You never want to hold on to negative emotions for too long. Forgiveness doesn't mean you have to be over the situation. My basic steps to forgiveness are as follows:
- Accept what happened and understand that everything happens for a reason.
- Evaluate what you've learned from the situation and how it has made you a better person.
- Realize that everyone is only human. Pray for self growth and development for yourself as well as the person that has disappointed and/or hurt you.
Allowing others to mistreat us is a form of mistreating ourselves. As the saying goes, fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. So treat yourself with love, kindness, and delicacy. Also, be mindful of how you allow others to treat you. Remember, YOU ARE IN CONTROL when it comes to your happiness!
[Photo Credit: L. Bellamy Imagery]