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Depression is a B***h!

Depression is a bi**h. It's a selfish B***h at that.

It'll have you thinking your alone, lost and unloved. You'll feel so stuck, like no matter what you won't get past this hurdle. I've been battling depression since I was 15 years old, and although I can say mine has gotten better over the years, it doesn't ever truly go away. It's something you learn to deal with as best as you can.

A few years ago I decided to try out a therapist. I was going through a really rough time after I turned 21, (alcohol and depression don't mix well). This might sound crazy but one of the things my therapist told me was to accept depression as a normal feeling. She told me to stop blaming myself for not being perfect or having it together all of the time. A few other words of advice from her:

"Nothing is wrong with you, you are worthy."

"It's perfectly fine to be selfish sometimes. Put yourself and your needs first."

"Do whatever you have to do to protect and nurture yourself."

At first I wasn't really feeling her, to be completely honest. Her approach was different and it really threw me off. I didn't pay for her to tell me to "accept my depression", I was there to get help to make it go away. But after a few sessions and some time to reflect, I now understand what she meant. The sooner you accept your depression, you'll start to understand yourself and know your patterns so you can start the healing process.

When I get depressed I always feel alone and like I don't need anybody. I get very quiet, defensive, and secluded. I now have a system for how I deal with my depression. If I notice myself starting to feel down, anxious, stressed, or easily angered I know right away that I'm headed down depression lane and if I don't deal with it right away I can talk myself into an even deeper level.

So I give myself 24 hours.

I seclude myself, feel shitty, cry, scream, sleep, eat ... (sleeping and eating are all I do when I am depressed). In 24 hours, I tell myself I have to leave the house and do at least 1 productive thing while still taking time for myself. I do this so that I don't sit and allow my depression to further take over for days on end.

Fitness has been a big outlet for me lately. My 1 productive thing might just be go to the gym for 30 minutes of cardio. Usually after that cardio I am in a slightly better mood and can at least do one more productive thing. If not fitness, then journalling is another good alternative. It will help you gather all of your thoughts and reflect on them.

Depression is a terrible thing to go through. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I have a lot of other depression related things I've learned over the years that I'll share on the blog. I don't want this post to get too long.

Thanks for reading!



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